The God of Second Chances by Erik Kolbell

The God of Second Chances
by

Erik Kolbell

The homework assignment I gave myself on this book was as follows:

How are the matters of Kolbell's first 5 chapters--Restoration, Rebirth, Reconciliation, Remembrance and Redemption--related?

And here's my answer to this essay question:

For Kolbell, restoration refers to restoration of relationship with God (though it could refer to restoring any personal relationship): "We recognize," Kolbell writes, "that our relationship with God is one of exile and restoration...of picking ourselves up where we have fallen, accepting the Divine second chance, and trying again to live in concert with our higher angels rather than our lower impulses" (page ix). In order for restoration to begin, there must be a "recognition that one is in exile"--which to me means one is perhaps living in an imbalanced way, has a heart hardened by ingratitude and miserliness. Eventually the misery--and isolation--of such a state of soul leads to a yearning for a restoration of relationship (with God)--a restoration of: "[1] a sense of *balance* to our lives, [2] a sense of *gratitude* to God for what we have and
[3] *generosity* to others for what they do not have" (pages 7-8).

Initiation of restoration requires a kind of rebirth, though Kalbell clarifies wisely: "Rebirth," he writes, "is not so much a moment but a mind-set" (page 17). It's not just a single once-and-for-all-moment; instead, it's "a recurring choice that presents itself at every turn...we choose to believe that God is in our hearts or He's not" (page 23). And what does it mean to be "reborn"? What does it mean to have God in our hearts? Well, since "God is love" (I John 4:8), the choice for rebirth is a choice to embody a "love that is patient and kind, not jealous or boastful, not arrogant or rude; a love that does not insist on its own way, and does not rejoice in wrong; a love that bears all things, hopes all things, and endures all things (I Corinthians 13:4-7)" (page 23).

Needless to say, the choice to be reborn--to embody a selfless love like this--is much easier said than actually done. Small wonder that the choice of rebirth must be made at every moment!

Small wonder, too, that maintaining such a "mind-set of rebirth" requires contrived remembrance--prompted, perhaps, by regular rituals (prayers, meditations, meetings with one's fellowship or support-group). Because "[o]ur memories are fickle and fleeting...without [the] discipline [of remembering rituals], the memory of the [I]mportant [T]hing will lie buried among the unpaid bills, the runny noses and the dirty laundry" (page 46). In 12 Step Groups, mention is made of an addict's "built-in forgetter" that makes it all too easy to forget the horrors of the last go-around with alcohol or drugs. Without deliberate remembrance, it's all too easy to make choices that lead to (re-)exile from God.

And reconciliation? Well, it would be a rare thing if, during the misery of exile, one didn't also damage one's relationships with people. Hence the hope of reconciliation (with others) as one seeks restoration of one's relationship with God.

For Kolbell, the two parts of initiation of reconciliation are confession of the transgressions one has committed, and an attempt to atone for those sins. (Even if the wronged person knows how they were sinned against, it still probably helps for the wrongdoer to "confess" the sins--in the sense of taking full responsibility for them.) Kolbell illustrates this by Jacob's confession, and gesture of atonement to, his brother Esau as Genesis 32:10-14 (pages 33-34). A similar dynamic can be found in 12 Step Groups: one confesses at Step 5: "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. And an attempt at atonement occurs at Step 9: "Made direct amends, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

Of course, there is no guarantee that such efforts will yield reconciliation with the wronged party--or even forgiveness by the person who has been wronged. But that's to be expected--and accepted; because, as the Big Book counsels, confession and atonement are simply intended "to sweep off our side of the street...it should not matter...if [the wronged person] does throw us out of his office. We have...done our part" (Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 77-78).

Postscript: Which brings us to redemption, meaning a deliverance from bondage (page 54). Once we have been delivered from the slavery of exile--whether the bondage be physical, behavioral or mental--what then? Beware: There's no guarantee that this deliverance will persist; redemption is not self-propelled. 12-Steppers speak of the constant threat of "relapse"--of turning one's back on redemption and returning to addictive ways.

Thus Kolbell points out the "paradox of redemption...it comes to us in our weakness but [its persistence] is dependent of our strength. We are brought out of slavery by another, but when the cuffs are off it is our responsibility to keep them off" (page 60). How often is redemption only a temporary detour--that the redeemed stick with the program "until doubt overcomes faith or weakness gets the better of strength...until [one] tire[s] of the journey and all its privations...until a better[-seeming] offer comes along" (page 56)? How important it is that one's Spirit of Redemption be renewed daily--by ritual, by devoted remembrance, by fellowships and support-groups with others who have been similarly redeemed.

(What would be intriguing would be to extend the foregoing ideas to include other 7 "Re-"-concepts: Revelation, Resurrection, Reflection, Religion, Receiving, Retreat, and Revival. To be continued...)

Kinsey and Me: Stories by Sue Grafton

I focused on the 13 sketches in the last third of this book (pp. 211-283): "In these pieces," one Chicago Tribune reviewer wrote Grafton "revisits the traumatic events of her early adulthood, when she was called upon to take care of her mother, who was well into the process of drinking herself to death." The sketches focus on her mother's presence in life (pp. 211-231), her illness and death (pp. 233-243) and how "Kit's" life evolves afterward--with her mother gone from the world, but never far from Kit's thoughts (pp. 245-281).

Certainly one could find many themes in these brief 70 pages, but one irony kept me rapt: Grafton was truly great in crafting a mystery; I wrote a few comments about one of them here. Yet one recurring mystery she would never personally solve was the mind of her dying mother.

Judy Belushi once wondered, of her self-destructive comedian husband, "What could be going on inside this person to make him so unhappy?" (Wired: The Short Life and Fast Times of John Belushi, page 11). Grafton repeatedly finds herself confronted by a similar--unsolvable--mystery:

page 213: "all the time, [she] lay there, saying nothing, moving not at all except to smoke. What went on inside that head? What could her mother think of hour after hour, day after day? ...What was the woman angry about?"

page 220: "I have no notion in the world what has happened to her between that time [of a seemingly happier youth] and this; only that some battle must have raged somewhere to take such a toll from that once sturdy frame."

page 222: "The X-ray will show it. One soul, sadly cracked in a way that no one can mend. Perhaps the doctor will prescribe lots of alcohol, who knows?"

pages 236-237: "And you understand in that moment how like a prison this [hospital] is also, how like a prisoner she is, shut away in the captive silence of her head. And you understand that she's always been this way, locked away from you, locked away from life."

page 247: "Somehow, at some point, and for reasons unknown, the woman in the photograph, looking fresh and pleased with herself at thirty-two, became no more than a pile of rags on a dark green spread."

page 277: "I've even thought of...send[ing] for her medical records in New York as though in the cataloging of heart, lungs, and temperature, I might learn something new about who she was and how she's related to me."

page 282: "What you say to [your father] is this: we did, yes, fail in our lives, the four of us: you and [mother], [sister] and me. We died of all the unwept tears and all the things we never understood."

And this last observation reminds me of something Dr. Sheldon Kopp once observed, mourning a patient he was unable to reach: "Now I cared, now that it was too late. The other men in group mourned Norman as they might a handicapped brother who had died, a child lost somehow because no one knew how to ask him where it hurt" (If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him: The Pilgrimage Of Psychotherapy Patients, page 158). 

Marriage manuals all tell us that relationships die from a dearth of communication. So do alcoholics. 

The Lord Is My Shepherd: Healing Wisdom of the Twenty-third Psalm by Harold S. Kushner

"God's promise was never that life would be fair," writes Rabbi Harold Kushner, best-known for his bestseller When Bad Things Happen to Good People. "God's promise was that, when we had to confront the unfairness of life, we would not have to do it alone" (page 3). This, Kushner points out, reflects the wisdom of Psalm 23. Many volumes could be written about this psalm, Kushner says, since "the Twenty-third Psalm gives us an entire theology, a more practical theology than we can find in many books" (page 9). Kushner's short book walks us, verse by verse, through the orchard of Psalm 23, plucking bits of wisdom along the way.

"We can read this Twenty-third Psalm as a drama in three acts," Kushner writes (page 164). I take my cue from Kushner and divide this review into three parts:

(1)
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul. (Psalm 23:1-3)

"Act one is serene, pastoral," Kushner comments. "The psalmist feels safe and secure, and he thanks God, his faithful shepherd, for providing him with that security."

This part of the Psalm reminds me of the more idyllic seasons of Life. Perhaps one purpose of this part of the Psalm is to remind us of God's role "behind the scenes" of the pleasant parts of Life. It's all too easy to grow complacent when everything is going well--I know I, personally, am vulnerable to this spiritual blind-spot.

Rabbi Kushner offers a number of informed points which help us appreciate these verses. To better understand the responsibilities of a shepherd--and the meaning Psalm 23 would carry for ancient hearers--Kushner directs us (at page 21) to Jacob's self-declared conscientiousness as a shepherd to Laban's flocks (Genesis 31:38-39); and, in fact, a shepherd's duties were so serious that they're written into the Mosaic Law (see Exodus 22:10-13).

Also, Kushner points out that the Hebrew for "still waters" is mei menuhot--"waters of rest and relaxation" (page 56). And how, specifically, does God "restore [our] soul[s]"? For starters, by giving us the "rest and relaxation" commanded by the Sabbath: "Do you know who was the first to replenish his soul on the Sabbath? God Himself....(Exodus 31:13-17). In Hebrew, the verbs referring to God's resting and being refreshed are shavat, "He stopped," from which we get the word 'Sabbath'" (page 65).

(2)
Yea, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil for Thou art with me.
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
Thou anointest my head with oil.
My cup runneth over. (Psalm 23:4-5)

"Act two turns dark and stormy," Kushner comments. "The psalmist's life is interrupted by trauma, tragedy and bereavement...he finds himself alone in a dark valley. Then he learns he is not really alone. He comes to see God not only as the source of the good things in life, but as the source of comfort and consolation in hard times" (page 164)

Just as complacency about God is a spiritual risk during good times, rejection of God is a hazard during down times. "A skeptic might ask, If the Lord is my shepherd, if it's His responsibility to keep me safe, why isn't He doing a better job of it?" (page 21) It's noteworthy that Rabbi Kushner has personal experience with this: when his son died (of progeria), Rabbi Kushner and his wife attended a support group; there, he met people "who were so angry at God that they had not set foot in a church or synagogue for years" (page 101). Kushner understands this anger. At best, all we can say is what was mentioned at the head of this review: God's promise is that, in those times we feel deluged by the slings and arrows of life, we need not endure that trial alone; God's promise is the comfort to "protect us from letting pain and loss define our lives" (page 98).

A scholarly footnote: Rabbi Kushner points out that in Psalm 23, "the Hebrew text does not speak of 'the shadow of death'--the original Hebrew word was tzalamut, meaning 'deep darkness.' But the editors of the King James Bible read it as two words tzal mavet ('the shadow of death'), and in a sense they may have understood what the author was trying to say better than the author himself did" (page 86).

Kushner also directs our attention to the shift in Divine pronoun from "He" (verses 1-3) to "Thou" (verses 4-5). The transition is important, Kushner observes: In using "He," the psalmist is "offering us theology, talking to us about God," but in the switch to "Thou," the psalmist is "offering religion, the experience of encountering God" (pages 100-101).

On to verse 5. When I, personally, read "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies," I am reminded of God's comforting of a fearful, dejected Elijah at 1 Kings 19:4-6:
But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness,
and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested
for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now,
O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.
And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an
angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat.
And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals,
and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again.

And when I read "Thou anointest my head with oil," I'm reminded of the healing advice given in the Christian Scriptures:
Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. (James 5:14-15)

Rabbi Kushner finds significance in the word anointed: "[The word] 'Christ'...[is] a Greek word meaning 'the anointed one'....If every one of us, like the author of the Twenty-third Psalm, feels anointed by God,...then every one of us has a responsibility to make this world a little bit more like the world God would like it to be" (pages 139-140).

Lastly, for Rabbi Kushner, the verse "my cup runneth over" connotes gratitude, "the fundamental religious emotion" (page 145). And indeed, insofar as gratitude occurs when we realize we've received a gift "not by [our] own efforts" (page 146), then to have gratitude is to see our possessions as expressions of Divine Grace. Conversely, an inability to be grateful often points to the deeper spiritual maladies of feeling entitled ["I deserve it!"] or self-sufficient ["I could have gotten that myself!"] (page 150-151).

(3)
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life
And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever (Psalm 23:6)

Just a couple of points here:
(a) "Whole books have been written about the Hebrew word hesed, here translated as 'mercy,' more commonly rendered as 'lovingkindness.' I like to think of hesed as 'unearned love'...[though] is there really any other kind [of love]?" (pages 160-161)

(b) "What does it mean to dwell in the house of the Lord? 'Home' is such an evocative word. It speaks of love, an enduring relationship. [In "Death of the Hired Man,"] Robert Frost defines it as 'something you somehow don't have to deserve'...[it] symbolizes safety, security, a refuge from the dangers of the world outside" (page 165)

In sum, I'm delighted I've read Rabbi Kushner's gem of a book; it's deepened my meditations on the 23rd Psalm. I know I'd be pleased to read this book again.

The Lord Is My Shepherd by Robert J. Morgan

The Lord Is My Shepherd 
by 

Robert J. Morgan (Goodreads Author)

 

To me, the most impressive feature of this book is that the author's not just a pastor--he also had years of hands-on experience caring for sheep. So if you ever wanted to read a book about the Shepherd's Prayer, written by an erstwhile shepherd, then this book's for you (as is A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23, originally published in 1970).

Another notable feature of Morgan's book is his 53-word summary of the Psalm's main themes (in "prepositional slogan" form) at pages 175-176:

*Near me: My Shepherd
*Beneath me: Green pastures
*Beside me: Still waters
*Ahead of me: Righteous paths
*Within me: Restored spirits
*Against me: My enemies
*For me: His rod and staff
*Around me: A table(land)
*Upon me: Anointing oil
*Above me: Overflowing blessings
*Behind me: Goodness and Mercy
*Before me: My Father's House

Along the way, Pastor Morgan offers remarks, interpretations and anecdotes on the 23rd Psalm which help provide context and insight. Here's a few:
1) Psalm 23 is a reassurance that all three types of our needs will be met by the Good Shepherd (see also John 10): External needs (green pastures), Internal needs (restoration, comfort) and Eternal needs (Divine Goodness and Mercy) [page 36].

2) The foregoing types of needs, in turn, can be found by elaborating on the Psalm's third verse (He restoreth my soul). Respectively: He restoreth my soul...from stress; He restoreth my soul...from sorrow; He restoreth my soul...from sin [Chapter 5, pages 69-83].

3) In verse 6 (Goodness and mercy shall follow me throughout the days of my life), Pastor Morgan finds the two sides of Divine Grace: Goodness "represents all [the gifts] He bestows on us that we don't deserve. Mercy "represents all [the consequences] He withholds that we do deserve."

I enjoyed this book. I borrowed it from the library, but I wish I had a copy for my library on Scripture and Theology--it could make for a good reference.

Footnote: For further details on the ins and outs of shepherding, Pastor Morgan recommends two books: Storey's Guide to Raising Sheep: Breeds, Care, Facilities and This Was Sheep Ranching: Yesterday and Today, by Virginia Paul

Review of Stephen Grosz "The Examined Life"

The Examined Life: How We Lose and Find Ourselves
by

Stephen Grosz

Tim's review

May 22, 2019 

"[O]ur job is to try...to find a useful question" Stephen Grosz (page 128)

An amazing set of 31 real-life stories about counseling and helping patients make therapeutic progress.

Four main themes jumped out at me from the book. This "review" is basically in note-taking/outline form:

(1) Grosz's Working Hypothesis: Therapy is about helping the client to "tell their Story"

"What if a person can't tell a story about his sorrows? What if his story tells him? When we cannot find a way of telling our story, our story tells us -- we dream these stories, we develop symptoms, or we find ourselves acting in ways we don't understand" (page 10)

(2) Grosz's Goal: Use the dreams/symptoms/behavior to find the story and help the client find words (and courage and insight) to tell that story

(a) Questions: What does the dream mean? "What possible psychological purpose could this behavior serve?" (page 41) What response (from others) are the symptoms supposed to provoke? (A 10-year-old's bedwetting is one example: pages 136-141)

(b) "Our job is to try...to find a useful question" (page 128)

(c) "Does that dream remind you of anything?" (page 12)

(d) Interpreting the dream: what subconscious conflict might the dream represent? Examples: pages 93, 99, 193-195, 199, 201-202, 213,214

(e) Children often use play (or art) to "free-associate":
"The idea is that a child's play...can help a child to express the emotions they might not be able to put into words" (page 160).

(2) Grosz's Goals at a First Meeting ("initial consultation")

(a) How does the counselor, Grosz, feel going into a First Meeting? A "mixture of anticipation, curiosity and vague unease" (page 74)

(b) What are the counselor's goals of the First Meeting?
Grosz hopes that he learns "the patient's [basic] life story [and] the history of his problem" (page 49); he also feels that it's "most important" that "the patient should leave our first meeting feeling heard" (page 49)

(c) Why do clients seek therapy in the first place?
*"I'm not living my life as fully as possible, but I'm not sure what I'd like to be" (page 96)
** Behavior finally causes a painful loss: Philip, a pathological liar, enters treatment when his 7-year-old daughter catches him in a lie and looks upon him with disgust (page 40)
*** Because we "felt trapped by things we find ourselves thinking or doing, caught by our own impulses or foolish choices; ensnared in some unhappiness or fear; imprisoned by our own history (pages xi-xiii)

(3) What does it mean to change--and why is change difficult for people?
"I want to change, but not if it means changing" ... "there cannot be change without loss" (page xii)

(a) Ways to change (page 114):
* "Fixing" oneself
** Repairing relationships (either with people around us or people from our pasts)

(b) Change is also difficult because people around us might not want us to change
* The client's problems allow the client's family to focus on her problems--and ignore their own problems (page 140)

(4) Miscellaneous Themes

(a) Silence comes in several types and serves various functions (pages 200-205)

(b) Boredom can be a very useful therapeutic signal (page 147)

(c) Impasses/Deadlocks have a purpose in therapy (page 164)

(d) Some people are unaware of their own emotions (pages 25, 89)

Review of The Kiss by Kathryn Harrison

The Kiss
by

Kathryn Harrison

 

 

"I somehow miss what I don't want to see--that my father himself is selfish, a narcissist, dangerous" (page 80)

Biologically, it was incest. Psychologically, it was devastating. Emotionally, it was toxic.

It begins when 20-year-old Kathryn Harrison's father, after 10 years' estrangement, travels to meet her--and forces an assaultive kiss on her. "I know it is wrong," Harrison recounts, "and its wrongness is what lets me know, too, that it is a secret" (page 69). The experience leaves the daughter isolated: She abandons school; she flees from her friends; she walls off her boyfriend ("Everything," she says, "takes more energy than I have" (page 75)). The experience makes her physically sick: shingles, narcoleptic sleep patterns, pneumonia, bulimia (pages 118, 166, 170). She begins cutting herself: "It's...a desire...for manageable pain, bleeding that can be stanched (page 153). The experience leaves her alienated from herself: "I can see past and through [the kiss] to the life I used to have, but, mysteriously, the kiss separates me from that life" (page 71).

What made the daughter so vulnerable that her father could so cruelly exploit her? Harrison spent her girlhood and teenage years trying to make herself invisible (even to the point of employing anorexia to "make [her]self smaller and smaller until [she] disappear[s]" (page 39)). And yet, her abusive father's eyes "somehow...see me into being" (page 63). The daughter has also been taught to remain silent: "I begin to learn the wisdom of keeping my feelings to myself" (page 36). In a world of pain, starved of love from her mother, the daughter begins stealing suicide-intended Seconals at age 14, and is anorexic a year later.

The very thought of such a suffering young woman being targeted by her long-estranged father--who cruelly exploits her hunger to be loved and appreciated and seen--makes for devastating reading. It will be a rare reader who can read this memoir without tears.

The daughter finally frees herself from her narcissistic father's vortex--thank heaven for small favors--and manages to craft a married family life of her own. That Kathryn Harrison could manage this, after all she's suffered, testifies to the authors astonishing inner resilience.

A unique book--a singular portrait of the racking torture a father's exploitation can cause a child.

Are Mystery Novels Doomed to be Dull?

B is for Burglar (Kinsey Millhone, #2)
by

Sue Grafton

 
Are murder mysteries doomed to be boring? "I set out to read [a mystery novel] in the hope of tasting some novel excitement," wrote Edmund Wilson in a classic attack on the mystery genre, "and I declare it seems to me one of the dullest books I have ever encountered in any field."

Intriguingly, Sue Grafton actually confirms Wilson's indictment, in part: the mystery novel has great potential to become dull and boring. Why? Because, as detective Kinsey Millhone herself explains, most detective-investigations are tedious affairs:

Most of my investigations proceed just like this. Endless notes, endless sources checked and rechecked, pursuing leads that sometimes go no place...plodding along methodically ... facts accumulated painstakingly. (page 33)

So a mystery writer needs to add some spice to the "ploddingly painstaking" process of detection. What is Grafton's "secret spice" to prevent the reader's eyes from glazing over and attention to wander? Several elements come to light:

Dollops of Psychology: "Insecure people have a special sensitivity for anything that finally confirms their own low opinion of themselves" (page 31; see also pages 60, 102, 106, 184, 187 and 198)

Sparkling Similes"I could feel my smile begin to set like a pan of fudge" (page 81; see also pages 71, 80, 89, 97, 101, 131, 140, 160-161, 168, 182)

A Sense of Humor: "California has over three thousand homicide victims annually, and of those, fully two-thirds are slain by friends, acquaintances, or relatives, which makes you wonder if you might be better off as a friendless orphan in this state" (page 113; see also the similes above and pages 66, 168 and 185)

Sharp Word Choice: "Rosie appeared again, simpering coquettishly" (page 85; see also pages 104, 114, 164 and 202)

Intriguing Displays of Expertise: Kinsey Millhone has some intriguing talents and interests, including: electricity (page 64), lock-picking (page 115), firearms (page 140), jogging (page 150), and even the anatomy of a window (page 206)

All in all, I found Grafton's spices effective--after all, I actually finished the book! :) Kinsey Millhone is indeed and entertaining--even sexy--woman to watch in action. Other characters encountered in the book are also studded with amusing eccentricities. And Grafton's prose is polished--and, at times, quite evocative.

I think I'll try out another Sue Grafton novel--or at least one of her short stories. (As I've since learned from her Kinsey and Me, Grafton's quite an intriguing person, herself.)

Final Demand by Deborah Moggach

Final Demand
by

Deborah Moggach (Goodreads Author)

Dec 15, 2018 

A young woman processes payment-checks for a British Telecom company. She thinks she's found the perfect way to pilfer the checks without anyone being the wiser. Unfortunately, she's overlooked two things: 1) Embezzlers can't afford to overlook the finest detail and 2) Thanks to the Butterfly Effect, there's no such thing as a "victimless crime." Deborah Moggach's taut novella is crisply written, engaging and draws the reader through an intriguing plot to a satisfying ending.

The Stepford Wives
by

Ira Levin,

 

 

Dec 15, 2018 

In a novella reminiscent of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers," Ira Levin does what he does best: Draw the reader into an unlikely, paranoid situation (a la his "Rosemary's Baby") and lower the boom after a protracted cat-and-mouse endgame (a la his "Deathtrap"). An exhilarating read!

The Book of Mormon Girl: Stories from an American Faith by Joanna Brooks

The Book of Mormon Girl: Stories from an American Faith
by

Joanna Brooks

 

Delightful, poignant memoir, recounting Brooks' heartwarming upbringing in the Mormon faith, followed by her crisis of conscience as her progressive inclinations collide with the LDS church hierarchy's conservative cast. I'd read this book again.

The Flight Attendant by Chris Bohjalian

The Flight Attendant
by

Chris Bohjalian

 

 Hard-drinking flight attendant wakes up next to a murdered man. The professionals who "hit" the man decide the Flight Attendant knows too much. Espionage and skulduggery ensues.

It's a timeworn plot, but Bohjalian writes it well. She also adds some dimension to the character of the Flight Attendant by detailing her addictive history with alcohol (taking Sarah Hepola's book, Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, as a guide to the condition).

Glad I read it--Bohjalian writes crisply and engagingly--but I probably wouldn't re-read it. I might check out another of her books, if I'm in the mood for a thriller.

A Matter Of Faith: Understanding True Religion by Mart De Haan

A Matter Of Faith: Understanding True Religion
by

Mart De Haan

 

 You'll often hear Christians say, "I don't have a religion; my faith involves a relationship with Him." This little book is a nice elaboration on what Christians mean when they say that.

To me the distinction boils down to this: Religion involves rituals and behavior tailored to win God's approval. But the "relationship" with God (that Christians speak of) requires us, first, to admit that nothing we could do ourselves could win God's approval. Instead, we have to ask God's grace and mercy to forgive us, and then take the "relationship" from there--in a new humility of repentance, and a new willingness of obedience.

Not a lot of people are willing to concede this complete bankruptcy, of course. The gap between ourselves and God can't be that vast, can it? But the author of this book, Mart De Haan, reminds us of the Beatitudes in Jesus's Sermon on the Mount, which recites the humble features of those who seek full relationship with God (pages 29-30)--They are: broken in spirit, mourning their wrongdoing, meek in their willingness to accept God's guidance, hungry for righteousness. They yearn to be: merciful of others' faults, pure in heart, and peacemakers bridging chasms between persons and between persons and God. ("And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation." (2 Cor. 5:18))

From there, De Haan describes the change of heart a true relationship with God brings. The focus of the relationship is a person's inner self ("First clean the inside of the cup and dish, so that the outside may become clean as well." (Matt 23:26))

The book is short, but it is sharply written and invites re-reading. Thumbs up.

The Psychology of Consciousness by Robert Evan Ornstein

The Psychology of Consciousness
by

Robert Evan Ornstein

 

I've been re-reading and re-reading this book over the years. The most helpful part of it is (for me) was his page outlining various writers comparing and contrasting the "Two Modes of Consciousness" (in Chapter 2, pp. 36-39 of the 1972 edition):

I'd really love to write a research report on each of these contrasting modes, at some point. :) But Ornstein deserves credit for putting the two side-by-side in such a perspicuous way.

Resisting Happiness by Matthew Kelly

Resisting Happiness
by

Matthew Kelly

 

A thought-provoking book. The essential argument appears to be:

(1) God created us to be in relationship with him
(2) We're (ideally?) happy only if we're pursuing our created purpose
-------
Therefore, if we resist pursuing a relationship with God, then we are "resisting happiness"

I'm not convinced that the matter is as cut-and-dried as Mr. Kelly presents it. Nonetheless, I think a lot could be learned by spelling out his specific mistake(s). For that reason, I'll re-read this book at some point. I disagreed with it, but I enjoyed it.

Ten Things I Hate about You by David Levithan

Ten Things I Hate about You
by

David Levithan

 

If I be waspish, best beware my sting -- Taming of the Shrew (Act II: scene i)

This little paperback, made into a movie in 1999, retells Shakespeare's play The Taming of the Shrew as a high school drama: Cameron and Joey carry a torch for Bianca. Bianca wants a chance to date. The problem is, Daddy won't let her start dating before her older "shrew" of a sister, Kat, begins dating herself. Solution? Patrick Verona, who's willing to woo the difficult Kat...but only if he's compen$ated for the arduous job.

One thing leads to a-farcical-nother: Cameron tutors Bianca in French ("You speak French?" he's asked; "No, but I will," he vows.). But Bianca falls for the rough charms of Joey. Bianca goes on a date with Joey. Bianca falls out of "like" with Joey. Meanwhile, Patrick perseveres in his mi$$ion to move Kat's seemingly unshakable aversion to "unwashed high school miscreants." Patrick succeeds--then finds himself falling for Kat. Kat discovers Patrick's attentions were fueled by the profit motive ("Only at first!" he protests). It takes some sorting out, but all ends well--as is par for the course in a Shakespeare comedy.

This modern rendition of the drama has its charms. It slips in a couple of allusions to The Bard (Macbeth"s "Who could refrain that...in that heart [had] courage to make love known?"; and "Sweet love, renew thy force!" from Sonnet LVI.)

The story also has its occasional thought-provoking observations: There are two kinds of looking--one respectful, "daring not touch" the apple of one's eye, and the other "that's like slurping a Coke" (page 12). There are two kinds of changes in life: "sometimes...it's totally out of your control....Sometimes, though, you have a say in where your life is going to go" (page 96). There are two kinds of kisses between lovers: a kiss to "shut up" what one's Beloved is saying, and another kiss "because [they] understand" (page 105).

I enjoyed this book: it gave me what I expected--I wanted lightly funny, with touches of teenage angst and earnestness. And that's what I got. It's worth checking out. Students might find it fun to draw out more parallels between this story and the Shakespearean original. And parallels there always are--for while times may change, people, and the love between them, never change. And since "the course of true love never did run smooth", this means there will always be some comedy in the flowering of serious love.

Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer by C.S. Lewis

Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer
by

C.S. Lewis

 

 In this brief collection of letters, C.S. Lewis discusses a rainbow of issues concerning all kinds of prayer: prayers of adoration, prayers of repentance, prayers of petition. Since these are only letters, Lewis's views on these matters are often sketchy, but deeply suggestive. (I think it would be quite interesting to discuss this book with a Christian reading group.)

A few bits I hope to remember from this slim volume:

1) "Does not every movement in the Passion write large some common element in the sufferings of our race? First, the prayer of anguish; not granted. Then He turns to His friends. They are asleep--as ours...are so often, or busy, or away, or preoccupied. Then He faces the Church....It condemns him....There is the State [which washes its hands of His plight]...There is...an appeal to the People [He had served and blessed]...But they have become over-night...a murderous rabble, shouting for His blood. There is, then, nothing left but God. [But] to God, [Christ's] last words are 'Why hast thou forsaken me [too]?'" (page 43) It might be interesting to discuss this passage in connection with I Corinthians 10:13.

2) I very much like Lewis's gloss on the Lord's Prayer (Matt. 6:9-13). Especially, regarding thy will be done: "...a great deal of it is to be done by God's creatures, including me. The petition, then, is not merely that I may patiently suffer God's will but also that I may vigorously do it. I must be an agent as well as a patient." (pages 25-26) And, yes indeed, this seems true--even in the context of the rest of the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5-7). After all, it's God's will that I not think wrathful nor lustful thoughts, nor be self-seeking in my prayer and giving. For myself, I certainly need a prayer to have the strength to adhere to those parts of God's will! I hope I can always remember Lewis's understanding of that: "Thy will be done--by me."

3) I wonder about Lewis's claim that a true "religion" must contain elements of both: (a) the miraculous ("magical" is his word, meaning an "objective efficacy which cannot be further analyzed [explained?]"); and (b) the moral ("ethical" is his word). Where do you draw the line? Lewis wisely shrugs: "I am not going to lay down rules as to the share--quantitatively considered--which the magical should have in anyone's religious life. Individual differences may be permissible. What I insist on is that it can never be reduced to zero. If it is, what remains is only morality, or culture, or philosophy." (page 104)

As one can guess, I found this book challenging and thought-provoking. I could certainly see myself re-reading it (as I think I'd need to, to fully grasp all of Lewis's remarks on prayer).

Review of Changing for Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits by James O. Prochaska, John C. Norcross , Carlo C. DiClemente

How do people change? For generations, folk wisdom told us that changing an undesirable behvaior was a simple matter of "willpower."

But beginning in the 1980s, psychologists James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente began research which would challenge the "simple willpower" model of change:

"Many people we have interviewed first tell us, 'I just woke up one morning and quit [smoking].' [But w]hen we ask more detailed questions, they begin to remember....[1] They remember the weeks prior to that fateful morning, when perhaps they switched brands and became increasingly disgusted with smoking. [2] They remember earlier attempts to quit smoking. [3] They remember when they avoided people and the places that were filled with smoke during the two weeks after quitting. [4] They remember enlisting the aid of several friends at work by announcing their attempt to quit smoking" (page 210).

In short, Prochaska and colleagues realized that change is not a simple event, but a process, including the above techniques of [1] Preparation [2] Relapse and Renewed Resolution [3] Avoiding Tempting Environments and [4] Making one's Change-Commitment Public and tapping Helping Relationships to increase one's chance at success.

In the end, Prochaska and colleagues finally modeled change as a Five-Stage Process. They devote a chapter to each such stage in this book:

Chapter 4: Precontemplation: where a person isn't even considering changing a behavior, is in denial about it.

Chapter 5: Contemplation: where a person begins to be receptive to information about their problematic behavior, begins thinking about changing it...maybe in the next six months.

Chapter 6: Preparation: where a person makes the commitment to change, sets a date, and creates an "action plan" for changing.

Chapter 7: Action: where the person puts their Action Plan into gear, usually spending their first six months meeting a host of basic temptations, challenges, and distresses of actually changing their problematic behavior.

Chapter 8: Maintenance: where the plan is in place. The person tries to maintain their new/changed way of life. While temptations to stray are fewer at this point, the person has to be ready for sudden surprises which might knock them off the beam.

Of course, even the best-made plans can go awry. ("Everyone has a plan," boxers often say, "until you get punched in the face.") In fact, most people fall off the beam the first time they try to change some behavior (smoking, drinking, overeating, etc.). For this reason, Prochaska and colleagues added the stage of "Relapse/Recycling" to their model (Chapter 9). Happily, they've found that, even when people lapse in their change-program, many of them "recycle": they (1) try to learn from their lapse and then (2) return to their change-commitment, this time a bit wiser than before.

In this book, Prochaska et al describe each of the change-stages in detail, pointing out that certain coping-techniques are more appropriate to different stages of change. For example, while book-learning ("consciousness raising") is very helpful in the Contemplation stage, Action and Maintenance require more active coping techniques--such as learning Relaxation, or including an Exercise regimen, or learning to "talk back" to tempting thoughts (nicely summarized on page 54).

Even more fascinating, Prochaska et al point out (page 26) that different styles of psychotherapy/counseling might be more helpful to people at different stages of change. Contemplators, for instance, can profit greatly from traditional analysis (Freudian/Jungian/Gestalt/Transactional/etc). On the other hand, people at the Action/Maintenance stages might profit better from more behavior-and-relationship based therapies (Behaviorism/Cognitive/Humanistic/Existential Counseling).

But most important, this book aims to be a very detailed guide for readers who not only want to learn the psychology of change, but also want to apply this model to their own lives. For this reason, Prochaska et al (1) Walk the reader through the five stages; then (2) explain the coping techniques most helpful to each stage, (3) give real-life examples of people at each stage and the actions they took at each stage. Finally, (4) Prochaska et al apply the Stages of Change model to specific behaviors at Chapter 10: smoking, drinking and coping with psychological (di)stress.

Of course, no book can be a panacea--change is difficult no matter how much psychology one has read. (The authors are well-aware of this, and point it out repeatedly.) But this book offers a reader an eyes-wide-open vision of how real people really change, and what kinds of preparation and specific coping skills can best ensure success in changing one's life.

 https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1939638837

Review of Detour: My Bipolar Road Trip in 4-D by Lizzie Simon

Lizzie Simon was diagnosed as bipolar when she was 17 years old. After a few years of fits and starts, she found herself wondering what it's like to live successfully with bipolar disorder: "I have this idea," she writes, "I want to find other bipolar people like me and interview them....I want to show that people survive this illness and live full lives. I want to figure out what worked in people who are success cases, and shift people's focus away from all the media attention on destructive and violent cases" (page 41).

So Lizzie takes a road trip (as hinted at in her book's title). Along the way, she meets disappointing cases--like "Nicholas," who remains in denial about his condition, and copes with his symptoms through alcohol and drug abuse. "Everybody I interviewed for this book is diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder, between the ages of sixteen and thirty-five, on medicine, and highly functional in society" (page 209)

Lizzie grows through the course of her Road Trip. At first, she sought a "herd" of people who were "just like her" for comfort. But what she later realizes is that she had always had a "herd": "My family is, of course, the original herd. They were the herd I'd always had, and when I was done wandering, they became the herd that welcomed me back. For that I am truly blessed" (page 205)

Simon's book is studded with this and other thought-provoking insights, for instance:

"People who dedicate themselves to personal growth do grow, and they get to enjoy their work almost every day of their lives" (page 207)

"We do not share the same illness, for we each experience it differently. But we do share the same diagnosis" (page 210)

For insights like this, readers will enjoy Lizzie Simon's book. I zoomed through it in a few days--it's readable, absorbing, and insightful.
 https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1931680139

Review of Randall Balmer, Thy Kingdom Come: How the Religious Right Distorts the Faith and Threatens America: An Evangelical's Lament

Why are evangelical Christians often so politically conservative? Does Christianity/Scripture require them to be conservative? Or do they have conservative personalities, first, then adapt Christianity to fit their political position? In this book, a liberal evangelical, Randall Balmer, argues for the latter.

Balmer points out that there are three characteristics to being an "evangelical" (pages xviii-xix): 1) The importance of a "conversion experience" (see John 3:3). 2) The obligation to share the Gospel ("good news") with others (see Matthew 28:19). 3) The importance of taking the Bible "seriously" (see 2 Timothy 3:16).

In Balmer's view, the above three conditions need not entail one's becoming a political conservative. (After all, American politician William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925) was an evangelical--but also supported progressive causes and pacifism.) Rather, Balmer observes that a right-wing ideology only flows from what he describes as a self-serving "slavishly...selective literalism" when it comes to Biblical interpretation (page xviii). (Why, for instance, do conservative Christians focus so harshly on contraception and abortion, about which Scripture says little or nothing, but don't march against, say, liberalized no-fault divorce laws--especially when the Gospels present Jesus as condemning divorce? [see the Sermon on the Mount, at Matthew 5:31-32, for instance]. Why block abortion clinics and not divorce courts? Why oppose gay marriage so loudly but remain so silent concerning straight divorce? (chapter 1))

Balmer then goes on to explain how a more careful, holistic reading of the Christian scriptures engenders progressive attitudes toward poverty (see Matthew 25:40), the environment (chapter 5), public schools (chapter 3), Darwin's theory of evolution (chapter 4), and the separation of Church and State (chapter 2).

Balmer's book is a rich and thought-provoking book. He, of course, realizes that his "progressive evangelicalism" is a minority viewpoint; nonetheless, it's refreshing to see a committed Christian explain how Scripture admits of a more open ideological stance. I'd definitely read this book again--and I'm tempted to check out his book, Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory: A Journey Into the Evangelical Subculture in America, for more background on evangelicalism and American politics. 
 https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1901378688

Review of Last Night at the Lobster by Stewart O'Nan

Today is Manny's last day managing the Red Lobster. Because they're closing it. And it's Christmas-crowded. And Manny only has a skeleton crew, since most of the staff bailed the doomed ship. And the server and greeter hate each other. And there's a party of 14 who showed up, no reservation. And it's all-you-can-eat shrimp day. And Manny still carries a torch for Jacquie, the boricua waitress he had the affair with last spring. And then the blizzard starts...

A Day in the Life of a Red Lobster. Written with all the delightful, bitter, sweet details. It details all the chaos and crises of everyday life. So in short, it's a delightful book about life--since everyday life is what Life mostly is. Would read again!
 https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1891626287