Saturday, June 8, 2019

The God of Second Chances by Erik Kolbell


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The homework assignment I gave myself on this book was as follows:

How are the matters of Kolbell's first 5 chapters--Restoration, Rebirth, Reconciliation, Remembrance and Redemption--related?

And here's my answer to this essay question:

For Kolbell, restoration refers to restoration of relationship with God (though it could refer to restoring any personal relationship): "We recognize," Kolbell writes, "that our relationship with God is one of exile and restoration...of picking ourselves up where we have fallen, accepting the Divine second chance, and trying again to live in concert with our higher angels rather than our lower impulses" (page ix). In order for restoration to begin, there must be a "recognition that one is in exile"--which to me means one is perhaps living in an imbalanced way, has a heart hardened by ingratitude and miserliness. Eventually the misery--and isolation--of such a state of soul leads to a yearning for a restoration of relationship (with God)--a restoration of: "[1] a sense of *balance* to our lives, [2] a sense of *gratitude* to God for what we have and
[3] *generosity* to others for what they do not have" (pages 7-8).

Initiation of restoration requires a kind of rebirth, though Kalbell clarifies wisely: "Rebirth," he writes, "is not so much a moment but a mind-set" (page 17). It's not just a single once-and-for-all-moment; instead, it's "a recurring choice that presents itself at every turn...we choose to believe that God is in our hearts or He's not" (page 23). And what does it mean to be "reborn"? What does it mean to have God in our hearts? Well, since "God is love" (I John 4:8), the choice for rebirth is a choice to embody a "love that is patient and kind, not jealous or boastful, not arrogant or rude; a love that does not insist on its own way, and does not rejoice in wrong; a love that bears all things, hopes all things, and endures all things (I Corinthians 13:4-7)" (page 23).

Needless to say, the choice to be reborn--to embody a selfless love like this--is much easier said than actually done. Small wonder that the choice of rebirth must be made at every moment!

Small wonder, too, that maintaining such a "mind-set of rebirth" requires contrived remembrance--prompted, perhaps, by regular rituals (prayers, meditations, meetings with one's fellowship or support-group). Because "[o]ur memories are fickle and fleeting...without [the] discipline [of remembering rituals], the memory of the [I]mportant [T]hing will lie buried among the unpaid bills, the runny noses and the dirty laundry" (page 46). In 12 Step Groups, mention is made of an addict's "built-in forgetter" that makes it all too easy to forget the horrors of the last go-around with alcohol or drugs. Without deliberate remembrance, it's all too easy to make choices that lead to (re-)exile from God.

And reconciliation? Well, it would be a rare thing if, during the misery of exile, one didn't also damage one's relationships with people. Hence the hope of reconciliation (with others) as one seeks restoration of one's relationship with God.

For Kolbell, the two parts of initiation of reconciliation are confession of the transgressions one has committed, and an attempt to atone for those sins. (Even if the wronged person knows how they were sinned against, it still probably helps for the wrongdoer to "confess" the sins--in the sense of taking full responsibility for them.) Kolbell illustrates this by Jacob's confession, and gesture of atonement to, his brother Esau as Genesis 32:10-14 (pages 33-34). A similar dynamic can be found in 12 Step Groups: one confesses at Step 5: "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. And an attempt at atonement occurs at Step 9: "Made direct amends, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

Of course, there is no guarantee that such efforts will yield reconciliation with the wronged party--or even forgiveness by the person who has been wronged. But that's to be expected--and accepted; because, as the Big Book counsels, confession and atonement are simply intended "to sweep off our side of the street...it should not matter...if [the wronged person] does throw us out of his office. We have...done our part" (Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 77-78).

Postscript: Which brings us to redemption, meaning a deliverance from bondage (page 54). Once we have been delivered from the slavery of exile--whether the bondage be physical, behavioral or mental--what then? Beware: There's no guarantee that this deliverance will persist; redemption is not self-propelled. 12-Steppers speak of the constant threat of "relapse"--of turning one's back on redemption and returning to addictive ways.

Thus Kolbell points out the "paradox of redemption...it comes to us in our weakness but [its persistence] is dependent of our strength. We are brought out of slavery by another, but when the cuffs are off it is our responsibility to keep them off" (page 60). How often is redemption only a temporary detour--that the redeemed stick with the program "until doubt overcomes faith or weakness gets the better of strength...until [one] tire[s] of the journey and all its privations...until a better[-seeming] offer comes along" (page 56)? How important it is that one's Spirit of Redemption be renewed daily--by ritual, by devoted remembrance, by fellowships and support-groups with others who have been similarly redeemed.

(What would be intriguing would be to extend the foregoing ideas to include other 7 "Re-"-concepts: Revelation, Resurrection, Reflection, Religion, Receiving, Retreat, and Revival. To be continued...)

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