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We've long known that children of alcoholics are impacted by their upbringing in an alcoholic home. After all, Alateen was established in 1957. But the idea that such effects persisted into adulthood was rarely attended to before the 1980, before the founding of ACoA in 1978 and the publication of Claudia Black's bestseller It Will Never Happen to Me! in 1987. Woititz's doctoral thesis (1976) and this book (1983) are early explorations of the issues confronting Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoAs).
Woititz's book is clearly written and well-organized. It falls into three parts:
1) How does a parent's alcoholism impact children? In the introduction and Part One, Woititz discusses three main effects of children's exposure to an alcoholic household: First, such a child is robbed of his or her chance at a carefree childhood (pp. 3-4); since being carefree requires a safe, predictable environment--and an alcoholic household is anything but--this loss of "carefreeness" certainly makes sense.
Similarly, Woititz points out that such children's self-esteem is often damaged (pp. xxii-xxiii): "The literature indicates that the conditions which lead an individual to value himself...can be...summarized by the terms 'Parental warmth,' 'clearly defined limits' and 'respectful treatment.'" But, obviously, such conditions are at best inconsistent in an alcoholic household.
Thirdly, Woititz points out that, in response to the child's need to keep the "family secret" of a parent's alcoholism, and the child's damaged self-esteem, a child often takes on one of four (now-famous) "family roles" to cope with the problem at home:
a) Hero: The child seeks self-esteem through hyper-responsibility and over-achievement.
b) Scapegoat: The child becomes a conspicuous troublemaker. Perhaps this is a kind of "self-fulfilling prophecy": If an alcoholic parent constantly berates a child as "no good," the child ends up "living up to the label" and behaves like a "no goodnik." On the other hand, perhaps the child's misbehavior is exaggerated, and becomes the scapegoat in a family's futile attempt to distract from the 1,000-
pound elephant in the household (viz., the alcoholic parent).
c) Mascot/Clown The child seeks to be a humorous center-of-attention. Perhaps this is an effect of trying to use humor to defuse tense family conflicts concerning a parent's alcoholism. This "court jester" personality becomes a way of life for the Mascot.
d) Lost Child The child withdraws from the stressful world into his or her own imaginations and pursuits.
Of course, these Roles of Children of Alcoholics is now in all the textbooks
2) How does a child's experiences of an alcoholic household persist into adulthood?
Woititz lists 13 traits which have an increased likelihood in ACoAs:
*Guess at what normal behavior is
*Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end
*Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
*Judge themselves without mercy
*Have difficulty having fun
*Take themselves very seriously
*Have difficulty with intimate relationships
*Overreact to changes over which they have no control
*Constantly seek approval and affirmation
*Feel that they're different from other people
*Are super responsible or super irresponsible
*Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved
*Are impulsive
Note: It's worth comparing this list to the 1978 "Laundry List" compiled by ACoA support groups.
3) How might we mitigate the damaged caused by an upbringing in an alcoholic household? Once an ACOA notices some (or all) of the above 13 characteristics in their own orientation towards life, such deficits can be confronted. In the third part of Woititz's book, she recounts various common-sense thoughts and actions to help guide the ACOA away from the deficit(s).
I tend to think that an ACOA might require more support than just reading 70 pages in a book (pp. 97-168). Sustained individual- or group- therapy may very well be called for. For a lucid illustration of what such therapy looks like, see Szifra Birke's book, Together We Heal.
All-in-all, this is a fine primer for those who wish to inquire about the issues attaching to upbringing in an alcoholic household.
Woititz's book is clearly written and well-organized. It falls into three parts:
1) How does a parent's alcoholism impact children? In the introduction and Part One, Woititz discusses three main effects of children's exposure to an alcoholic household: First, such a child is robbed of his or her chance at a carefree childhood (pp. 3-4); since being carefree requires a safe, predictable environment--and an alcoholic household is anything but--this loss of "carefreeness" certainly makes sense.
Similarly, Woititz points out that such children's self-esteem is often damaged (pp. xxii-xxiii): "The literature indicates that the conditions which lead an individual to value himself...can be...summarized by the terms 'Parental warmth,' 'clearly defined limits' and 'respectful treatment.'" But, obviously, such conditions are at best inconsistent in an alcoholic household.
Thirdly, Woititz points out that, in response to the child's need to keep the "family secret" of a parent's alcoholism, and the child's damaged self-esteem, a child often takes on one of four (now-famous) "family roles" to cope with the problem at home:
a) Hero: The child seeks self-esteem through hyper-responsibility and over-achievement.
b) Scapegoat: The child becomes a conspicuous troublemaker. Perhaps this is a kind of "self-fulfilling prophecy": If an alcoholic parent constantly berates a child as "no good," the child ends up "living up to the label" and behaves like a "no goodnik." On the other hand, perhaps the child's misbehavior is exaggerated, and becomes the scapegoat in a family's futile attempt to distract from the 1,000-
pound elephant in the household (viz., the alcoholic parent).
c) Mascot/Clown The child seeks to be a humorous center-of-attention. Perhaps this is an effect of trying to use humor to defuse tense family conflicts concerning a parent's alcoholism. This "court jester" personality becomes a way of life for the Mascot.
d) Lost Child The child withdraws from the stressful world into his or her own imaginations and pursuits.
Of course, these Roles of Children of Alcoholics is now in all the textbooks
2) How does a child's experiences of an alcoholic household persist into adulthood?
Woititz lists 13 traits which have an increased likelihood in ACoAs:
*Guess at what normal behavior is
*Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end
*Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
*Judge themselves without mercy
*Have difficulty having fun
*Take themselves very seriously
*Have difficulty with intimate relationships
*Overreact to changes over which they have no control
*Constantly seek approval and affirmation
*Feel that they're different from other people
*Are super responsible or super irresponsible
*Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved
*Are impulsive
Note: It's worth comparing this list to the 1978 "Laundry List" compiled by ACoA support groups.
3) How might we mitigate the damaged caused by an upbringing in an alcoholic household? Once an ACOA notices some (or all) of the above 13 characteristics in their own orientation towards life, such deficits can be confronted. In the third part of Woititz's book, she recounts various common-sense thoughts and actions to help guide the ACOA away from the deficit(s).
I tend to think that an ACOA might require more support than just reading 70 pages in a book (pp. 97-168). Sustained individual- or group- therapy may very well be called for. For a lucid illustration of what such therapy looks like, see Szifra Birke's book, Together We Heal.
All-in-all, this is a fine primer for those who wish to inquire about the issues attaching to upbringing in an alcoholic household.
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